Havin' one of those days..

Oh golly! Today has been quite the day. No, not one of those amazingly perfect days. It has been quite the opposite actually. I woke up at 6am to get ready for school. I had class at 7:45, but I commute from Idaho Falls to Rexburg so I have to leave by 7ish to get to class on time. Well this morning I was really dragging my feet. I couldn't seem to wake up. I was fighting with myself going "Cort, you've just got to go. You get all next week of so you need to go to school this week." But then I'd go, "Nah...it's ok if you skip. You won't miss too much." Guess which side won? Definitely the second one! I had gotten all ready and STILL couldn't get myself to fully wake up...so I let myself be tempted by sleep. And I'm not ashamed at all. haha It was nice! So I went to my second class, things were hunky-dory. Came home, ate, wrote my first blog post, then went to work. Shoot son, work was hectic. I couldn't seem to catch a break. There was so much going on and the phone wouldn't stop ringing. I had a few grumpy clients and soo much to do. I couldn't wait to go home. I don't get that way very often with this job. But today was something else. My boss had bought some cinnamon rolls and I was trying to resist, but I was getting so flustered that I just didn't care. I started to eat one and then he told me to take a box home to my family. When I walked in the door with the box my mom goes, "What's with the cinnamon rolls?" My response was, "I've had one of those days. I just want to eat one and get fat. I don't even care!" She felt the same way so we sat and enjoyed ourselves a huge cinnamon roll. :)

As I'm enjoying my cinnamon roll I see a letter from Devan sitting on the counter. He's my best friend in the entire world. He's serving a mission in the Omaha Nebraska mission. He's been out a year next month. I can't believe how fast it's flown by. So what's the story behind us? Well, we've never dated but have liked each other on and off since we met. I would totally deny it and tell myself I didn't like him. It wasn't until about two months or so ago that I finally quit lying to myself and admitted that I liked him. Brandy (my little sister) and Darin (his little brother) are betting on Devan and I and think we'll get married. My family teases me about and so do lots of other people. I love it because for awhile there I had a feeling that him and I really would end up together. We're the best of friends, tell each other everything, always know how to cheer each other up and keep each other smiling, etc. It could totally work out. Well, as I'm reading my letter Devan tells me he understands the fear I have of guys and dating (that's a different story though). He then goes on to tell me that regardless of my fear I need to get out there, just be careful but date, have fun and find a guy. What??? Find a guy?? Alright so I'm already have a bad day and just want to fly to some exotic place where I can sit on a beach and forget about life for a few weeks...and then the guy I finally admit I like and hope things work out with tells me I need to find a guy!! I'm soo confused! He was super sweet about it and I could tell he was being very considerate of my feelings, but that's not something he normally says. He's normally like, "Man I really think we could work out. It'll be interesting to see what happens when I get home." or "I'm gonna give you a big kiss when I come home, whether you like it or not!" (If you know Devan you know he's a HUGE flirt and tease! So that's not him being distracted from his mission. That's just him being him!) So this letter kinda stunted me. He said we would always be best friends and that he cares a lot about me and would never hurt me the way I've been hurt, but then he said that we don't know what going to happen and he wants me to go on lots of dates and FIND A GUY!! It's not like I'm avoiding guys though. I'm not living on campus, I'm so busy with my 16 credits and work, and I don't have anyone to date, so how could I possibly date? If, by some miracle, I get asked on a date I'll definitely go. I'm not boycotting boys all together, but it's been kinda nice not having to worry about them. So then Devan says, "I don't want you to wait. That's dumb." I was never "waiting" for him, but that kinda hit me hard. Anyway, his letter just totally didn't help my mood. Mine and my mom's thoughts are that he got a letter from this other girl he's been crushing on (she hasn't written him in awhile) and so I'm out of the picture again. Gaaahhh! Boys suck! haha

I'm probably overreacting and over-analyzing everything....one of the things I hate about being a girl...so I need to just relax and re-read the letter in a day or so and see how it sounds then. But sheesh!! I think I just need a care-free fun filled day! Ok, I'm done venting. Feels good to get it out though haha

Until next time. :)